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| I personally don't see the harm in feeling attracted to another person. As humans, we crave attention and relationships. However, it's definitely wrong in my opinion to make a move if you're already with someone. You probably wouldn't appreciate it if your partner so much as looked at someone in a suggestive way; why stir the pot?
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| Falling in love is always magical. It feel eternal, as if love will
last forever. We naively belive that somehow we are exempt from the
problems our parents had, free from the odds that love will die,
assured that it is meant to be and the we are destined to live happily
ever after.
But as the magic recedes and daily life takes over, it emerges that men
continue to expect women to think and react like men, and women expect
men to feel and behave like women. Without a clear awareness of our
differences, we do not take the time to understand and respect each
other. We become demanding, resentful, judgemental, and intolerant.
With the best and most loving intentions love continues to die. Somehow
the problems creep in. The resentments build. Communication breaks
down. Mistrust increases. Rejection and repression result. The magic of
love is lost.
We ask ourselves:
How does it happen?
Why does it happen?
Why does it happen to us?
To answer these questions our greatest minds have developed brilliant
and complex philosophical and psychological models. Yet still the old
patterns return. Love dies. It happens to almost everyone.
Each day millions of individuals are searching for a partner to
experience that special loving feeling. Each year, millions of couples
join together in love and then painfully seperate because they have
lost that loving feeling. From those who are able to sustain love long
enough to get married, only 50 percent stay married. Out of those who
stay together, possibly another 50 percent are not fulfilled. They stay
together out of loyalty and obligation or from the fear of starting
over.
Very few people, indeed, are able to grow in love. Yet, it does happen,
When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences
then love has a chance to blossom.
Through understanding the hidden differences of the opposite sex we can
more succesfully give and recieve the love that is in our hearts. By
validating and accepting our differences, creative solutions can be
discovered whereby we can succeed in getting what we want. And, more
important, we can learn how to best love and support the people we care
about.
Love is magical, and it can last, if we remember our differences.
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| I've decided to make some major changes in my life, starting with the physical aspect of things.
~ Hair ~
So I've become pretty fed up with my long thick hair, and constantly having to braid it. As soon as I get back from Anime Evolution (assuming I have any money left), it's getting chopped off to just above my shoulders, layered, and dyed a reddish-brown with my usual black underneath.
Of course, I'm planning to get it chemically straightened before this (stupid cosplays with straight hair!!!), so it should be easy to straighten every time I have a shower.
~ Eyebrow piercing ~
I've been wanting to get this done since before I was 16. Although I'm going to be doing the whole job hunt thing come October, that's not going to stop me.
However, seeing how I'm afraid of needles, I'll probably need my bestests (Kyle and Debra) there with me so I can squeeze the living hell out of their hands.
Location/living arrangements-wise, however. . . can't say how much I'll actually be around.
The entire month of September, I plan to move up to Enderby with my dad and help out in the kitchen. He's got a "ladyfriend", AKA his new assistant, and I really like her. So not only do I want to spend time with her and my dad, it also allows me to make some easy money and have fun while doing it. I'll probably be back after that - I know there's still some people here who'll need me.
As for my boy. . .
I'm hoping to end things in September as well, before I go. It's just that with all these plans I'm making, I have no room for a relationship. . . at least not one with him.
This is where I confess: I'm still pretty crazy in love with Kyle. Hopefully, if I have my way and he feels like giving us another shot, I'll make it so we'll get back together on October 24th - the day we originally got together back in grade 9.
Anyway, that's pretty much it. Seeing how this is mainly a little journal/checklist for me, I'll probably be adding things as I think of them. The bottom line is, it's time for some changes - big ones - to go down.
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| So, thanks to a random call at
10:30 at night from Debra calling me out of my house and telling me to
walk to 7-11 to meet up with her and Kyle, I've realized something.
We're done high school now, and we're supposed to spread our wings and
gain independence. But suddenly, something hits us, clips our wings,
and causes us to fall back to earth. For some, it's not even an event
that impacts us directly head-on, but rather, someone we care about.
We try the best we can to be there and nurse the injuries, be they our
own or someone else's. Sometimes we would even place our hearts or
dignity on the line, or even throw away our busy schedules to the wind
for the sake of helping the person we love.
Because nothing, absolutely nothing, can replace or come close to the
value of spending time with those you cherish the most, listening to
their problems when that's the one thing they need.
Times like this bring people together, despite the bridges you'd once
thought burned, never to be used again. The bridges you swore would cut
you off from a specific memory. The ones that inspire C.R.S. The fact
is, sometimes people were meant to be a part of our life, whether we like it, let alone are able to admit it, or not.
Bottom line: I call a lot of people my best friends, some of which are
a bit of a stretch. But it's finally taken somewhat of a crisis to
realize that there are 2 people in this world who I would die for.
Screw complete independence - I'm pretty sure I'm destined to be tied
to these 2 people for the rest of my life. And despite the possible
hardships yet to come. . . I wouldn't have it any other way.
I love you guys. Never forget that. Don't forget, I will always be here for you.
And K. - your arms will always be the ones I run to,
regardless of whether I'll ever actually admit that to your face or
not. If you even suspect that much already, that's good enough for me.
(I'm pretty sure I haven't stopped loving you these 4 long years. . . and I'm pretty sure I never will.)
As long as we have memories,
yesterday remains.
As long as we have love,
today is beautiful.
As long as we have hope,
tomorrow awaits. | | |
| Son of a batch of cookies.
Saw that on a display picture just now, and thought it was quite fitting. Anyway, I never use this blog anymore, but I'm using it now. I just need to get some things out without everyone reading them and commenting like they would on my nex, myspace, or especially msn blog.
I'll warn you right now: These thoughts are probably going to be pretty unorganized - I'm just typing what I feel as I feel it.
There's just been a lot of really weird thoughts ripping through my head - both tonight, and lately overall. The most curious one is. . . what would it be like to be a player, a John Tucker (if you haven't seen the movie, I'd recommend it). The kicker - I am a person who values the feelings and emotions of others. I could never hurt the people I care about, let alone screw around with a few people at once just so I could have fun.
It's silly though, because I just can't keep my heart in check. One night spent hanging out with an ex boyfriend (regardless of whether Ryne's there or not) is all it takes for my mind and heart to wander.
I can't help but wonder why the hell I need to stay close to my exes.
Well, okay. . . Kyle I can understand - he's such an amazing person, and I miss just being able to talk with him. Luckily, now that him and Kayla have broken up, maybe we'll get to spend more time together.
As for Keagan. . . I don't have a damn clue where he fits into the equation. Maybe it's because I was able to play video games with him for hours on end without there being any need for competition? Ryne, however. . . I kick his ass in Soul Calibur and he gets all annoyed. Keagan's changed, so he's a bit cocky now, but cocky I can deal with.
Ugh, I'm at a total loss here. The little voice in the back of my head tells me to say fuck it, become single. But that would KILL Ryne. And as much as I love him, I know he wouldn't understand my reasons, even if I was able to tell him. It's just that I miss hanging out with my guy friends. Obviously, it was different when me and Keagan were together, as me, him, Karey, and Skylar were our own little group. We did EVERYTHING together. Now, it's like I have to be hanging out with them to actually be in on anything.
Anyway, enough ranting. Here's why, in plain text, why I find myself kind of wishing I was single. . .
1. Less guilt.
I have trouble letting go. Therefore, having my mind flutter off to think of either Kyle or Keagan really makes me feel bad. I love Ryne, but he deserves someone more loyal.
2. Spooning galore!
Again, this has a bit to do with guilt, but there's been 2 spooning sessions in the course of 3 months. Not much, but it's enough for me. I admit it, I'm a cuddle slut. I'm far from being a committed cuddler. There's just too much of my love to go around.
3. It's summer?
Kind of a lame excuse, sure. But come on. Late nights + friends (the majority of them being cute and male) + a wandering mind = a hard decision.
No BEDMAS required for that equation.
4. Dramadramadrama.
Okay, now we're getting deeper. This isn't about me anymore - it's about Ryne. I'm SICK of him being so damn emotional. You want to give a girl a taste of her own medicine, fine. But don't expect her to like you very much afterwards.
But on the other hand, I love the feelings of his arms around me, his smell, the way he kisses me, and the way his eyes light up when he smiles just right.
Fuck, everything just basically out the window right now as I sit here listening to this stupid song. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore, so let's just end this right now.
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